“Lord, this is not what I wanted.”

The other night I said these exact words “Lord, this is not what I wanted.”  I immediately heard these words “Since when do your wants override your needs?”

I admit it, I want things.  Nice car, home, vacation home, boat, a chest bigger than my gut, kids that behave all the time…and the list goes on.  As fact would have it, I had many of those wants throughout my life.  Cars, homes, boats, and I was in shape.  Yet I was spiritually weak and emotionally lacking.  I had all my wants and yet my needs were still not being met.

Then my life was turned upside down.  Some things I wanted I found I did not need and still other wants turned into needs.  What I wanted was the “perfect” spouse, wedding, picket fence and in a couple of years before those Norman Rockwell kids.  However I got what I needed.  A wife who is perfect for me and children who I love even when they are challenging me.  Could it be that the Lord knows my needs better than I?

After a few years of challenging times I finally started to get the big picture.  I’m not in charge.  I’m doing the work God has set out for me.  I’m am now focused on fruits of the spirit.  My life is renewed.

The other day a new friend said he is impressed that I am content.  Content?  Really?  Me? Well, ok, I can get behind that.  Sure my life is still full of challenging times.  I am by no means exempt from the consequences of my actions.  Yet I am content.  I am truly at peace.  A few waves have come crashing over the bow of my life, yet I am calmed.

One reason is a phrase I repeat frequently and often: “Give us this day our daily bread…”

If you are not familiar with the content, it is part of the Lord’s prayer.  A part I find exceptionally calming, for I have experienced it directly.  No longer do I worry about eating tomorrow, for tomorrow is not here.  I, and my family, eat today and everyday.  When I first started believing I would question about tomorrows, or next weeks, or next months rations.  Then I would be reminded to ask for today’s bread.  The power behind knowing that todays bread will be supplied has put a whole new twist on retirement!

I told my friend I am content.  Then I informed him of all of the challenges I am still facing.  He wondered how I could still be content even in the face of those challenges.  Well, one reason is I own them, they no longer own me.  And I know my daily bread will be provided.

Do you wonder if your daily bread will be provided?  Are the waves crashing over your boat keeping you from sleep?  Does one little peep from your children feel like the last string has snapped?

“Lord, this is not what I wanted.”

“Since when do your wants override your needs?”